Featured Skater: Second Breakfast #721

This month’s interview is with the illustrious Second Breakfast. This renowned blocker is beloved both on and off the track.

(This interview has been edited for length and clarity.)

Good evening, Madam Second Breakfast. You honor me by taking the time to answer these questions. My standard first question: when did you first know you were the greatest roller derby player of all time?

Good evening, VooDooChild. This feels like a trick question

When people heard I was granted an interview with you, it was the most requested question.

In an effort to please the masses, I will do my best to answer. While I was obviously good at this the second I put on my skates on the first day of bootcamp, I knew that I was really the greatest ever of all time when an unnamed Team Canada jammer informed me that they had a nightmare about not being able to get through the pack because my butt was in the way.

It may shock some, but there was a time before Second Breakfast. How did you first find roller derby and Queen City?

Ha, I give in to peer pressure very easily. I had a friend who was playing and she bullied me into it. So I signed up for bootcamp. I was going to bail. My old manager had signed up for the same bootcamp and she saw me on the email. She reached out and she was so excited and I couldn’t let her down. And now here we are (redacted) years later.

Maybe don’t tell people this actually… they are going to try to get me to do more stuff… like be the treasurer…. oh wait.

What motivates you, both on and off the track?

Snacks

Any particular kind?

All of the snacks.
Also violence.
I MEAN friendship.
👀

To thine own self be true. If you could change one thing about the sport of roller derby, what would it be?

Gameplay-wise I can’t think of anything I would change. Business-wise, in a dream world, the league would be run by ✨magic✨ and not by our beautiful, wonderful, over-burdened volunteers.

Imagine you’re together with your past self and your future self. Do you think the other team would score any points if all three of you were on the same line?

Who’s the 4th blocker?

There is no 4th blocker. Do you think the Breakfast trio needs one?

Since I am the best greatest ever, and always have been, and always will be, you’d think that we’d be unstoppable. The reality is that I think past me is very annoying. And I assume future me is going to think the same thing about present me. Unfortunately, I don’t think we would work well together. I am also very self-critical. I don’t think I can take constructive feedback from myself.

Is there a 4th blocker you think would be able to harmonize yourself with yourself?

I don’t think my therapist is interested in playing roller derby.

How do you relax after a game?

I have never relaxed a day in my life.

This is, naturally, because you are so busy helping others and being a radiant exemplar to all of humanity?

Is that a question or a statement?

It is a leading question.

Hmm. I see. I do keep busy, and I have a hard time saying “no”… l don’t know that it is actually helpful to anyone, but I try…

What advice do you have for skaters who are just starting out and rightly want to be exactly like you?

Become the treasurer!
👀
…
What?
…
That was weird.
…
Ahem. Work hard play hard. There is a balance between fun and serious work that is worth finding. Ditch your ego, it’s only going to make you frustrated. Assume positive intent from your team and league mates. And get a gym buddy. Also snacks.

When it’s time to hang up your skates, what will you do?

I haven’t planned that far ahead 🙃 … maybe that’s when I’ll relax (probably not then either).

Any final wisdom for our readers?

Your teammates will still love you even if they think your toe socks are weird.

Interview by VooDooChild