Notable Strumpet #70

When I’m good, I’m very good. When I’m bad, I’m even better.

Herein begins the tale of Notable Strumpet, an insouciant sauce-box born under the sign of Tabasco.

This formidable and fiery gal flirts with disaster as if a lark and rules her own gang with the teasing promise of her favor (not to mention her comely, iron fist). She’s swept up in the seedier side of life, surviving through her cunning and wits.

Strumpet has proved elusive to the legal community. A lone snapshot found by officers and leaked to the press has cemented her reputation as a cigar-smoking moll. Never confirmed, but it is widely believed that not one, but two of this tart's outlaw husbands were gunned down by her lovers. She has been accused of various offences, the least of which are horse stealing, distilling spirits, cussing, and forgery.

Deceptively cute as a button, this confident trollop is a force to be reckoned with. On skates and off, she’ll distract you with her knock-you-out swinging hips and pernicious kisses, while laying down the smoothest of moves. Like Houdini, she's an escape artist. Don’t let her big, innocent, eyelash-batting eyes fool you; this piquant vamp will blow you down every time.

Her persona can change in a blink; one moment, seemingly a virtuous lovely Snow White; the next, a cruel heartless Countess Elizabeth Bathory. Some speculate the poisonous contradictions in Strumpet's personality arose from her unfortunate upbringing; her mother, a warm-hearted angel who tried to instil goodness and a love for Jesus in the child - her father, a hardened criminal teaching her to “toughen up” and “oppose convention”. Is it any wonder then, that she became the conflicted deviant we know and love today?

The Strumpet’s no skating neophyte, however. Bestowed with her first pair of skates at the age of (lucky) 13, this impudent imp hit the pavement with an unabashed force. She knew then that she was born to roll. Refusing to remove her skates got our lovely Strumpet kicked out of parochial school and fired from many a fine establishment: Baphomet’s Funeral Parlour (where she met her first husband), the Museum of High Art, Madame Rentz’ Travelling Female Minstrels, and Barrow’s Gun Emporium, to name a few. Even known skating establishments like Una Mae’s Diner (where as a car hop she donned skates but typically neglected most of her uniform), could not tolerate Strumpet’s unconventional behavior.

Like the pirate girl she is, she takes what she wants from the world, and never makes apologies. Who else but Notable Strumpet would greet a potential lover with, "Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"

Outstanding Warrants:
Public Nuisance
Indecent Exposure
Aiding and Abetting
Conspiracy
Soothsaying
Divination
Harlotry
Extortion
Hustling